If I put these two photos side by side and ask you which one represents reality and which one represents social networks, what would you say?
When the first one was published, a comment caught my attention:
"Ifonly we could get milk with so much style and so few dark circles!if only we could get milk out of each other with so much style and so few dark circles!"
"Ifonly we could get milk with so much style and so few dark circles!if only we could get milk out of each other with so much style and so few dark circles!"
My answer was of course: for the style, we'll take care of it!
Then I thought about the rest, because this post caused some people to feel uncomfortable, so the photo was re-shared on some Instagram accounts in stories with derogatory comments directed at the mom pictured(Shoot out here to Mahée Paiement, who had also been criticized for posing, breastfeeding her daughter in gala attire).
Fortunately, Geneviève, the woman and mom in the photo, didn't let it bother her. We played along by reproducing the same photo, without makeup, mom bun and all. And do you know what? I found that both photos are realistic.
The situation got me thinking.
We find that "society" puts a lot of pressure on us to be the perfect mom, to be fixed, even when pumping, alone at home with baby, but is it really "society" that wants this or are we the ones putting pressure on ourselves to look like the standards we define as beautiful?
And what if we can't?
We are no less good, loving, responsible, beautiful moms because we don't feel the need to fix ourselves or don't have the time to do so because our new life is a whirlwind. (Let's face it, I looked like a human wreck for the first 18 months of my first boy's life. Ditto my second.)
But isn't the opposite also true? Because we decide to take time for ourselves once, twice a week, once a month, we dress up cute at home and we arrange for a confidence boost or a photo shoot, we can't be a loving, responsible mom?
We are no less good, loving, responsible, beautiful moms because we don't feel the need to fix ourselves or don't have the time to do so because our new life is a whirlwind. (Let's face it, I looked like a human wreck for the first 18 months of my first boy's life. Ditto my second.)
But isn't the opposite also true? Because we decide to take time for ourselves once, twice a week, once a month, we dress up cute at home and we arrange for a confidence boost or a photo shoot, we can't be a loving, responsible mom?
Yes, on social networks we tend to show beauty.
I say to myself: Crime, this woman is beautiful. Geneviève is just as beautiful with makeup on as she is au naturel. She is the same Geneviève when she has her hair done; with nail polish; unshaven; with foundation; with a baby; when she takes time to read a novel or to meditate; at work. She is when she cleans the house. She is when she hugs her children; when she is alone and when she is in a group. Geneviève is Geneviève in all spheres of her life, public or private, whether she looks like the first or the second photo, she is the same person.
STOP! Reread the last paragraph and change "Genevieve" to your own name. Thanks.
Your appearance does not define who you are and you are no less good and valid when you don't fix yourself than on the days you choose to like yourself and wear makeup.
All moms, filter, no filter, perfect Instagram feed or messy, we are different, but our value is the same no matter the time of day or how we look. Let's not compare ourselves, denigrate ourselves, or envy ourselves. It is diversity that creates beauty all around us.
Share the message with a woman, mom, dad, friend who would need it.
-xx
J.